Rather than write out a detailed and lengthy bio, I will let this letter serve as an introductory as to who I am and what God has been doing in my life of late. This letter was written to a couple, in whose home I was saved, baptized in the Holy Spirit and nurtured for a number of years as I lived in their guest house. They also introduced me to Kingdom Truth and the writings of George Hawtin and Bill Britton while I later returned the favor by sharing the messages of Preston Eby and Ray Prinzing.
Twenty years ago I shook my fist at God and walked away from Him in anger over His ways when my best friend committed suicide and I had recently gone through a divorce. I spent fifteen years deep in sin before God woke me up with a tragedy of my own making(I know better now) four and half years ago. I then spent two years where it seemed I could not touch God and continually wrestled in horror with the idea that I was doomed, having committed the unforgivable sin. Then one day God began to speak to me and before long He was overwhelming me with a new walk in Him that I never could have imagined.In this letter
I try to explain to my old friends where I have been these last couple years and where I think He is taking me. This is probably the closest I have ever come to posting a testimony of my life which is His now.
________ and ______ , I so sincerely want to thank you for your gift this month. God has been so miraculously good to me in so many areas of my life these last two and a half years. It has been the most painful of times but along with the pain has come also a glorious and deep desire to know Christ more fully with each day. I find myself more than ever being stripped of all that I thought important and of necessity in this life. Never could I have imagined how aligned we must become to the Life of Christ even to being consumed more and more by His presence within. The further I walk the more my attentions are loosed from the things of this world. It seems only He can satisfy and only His will is what I can seek anymore. I think Brother Eby said it so eloquently in his last writing and upon first reading this (below) I wept because I so identified with his anointed observation.
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All that the world or any creature can give, is as ashes to that hungry soul that is longing for a revelation of his Lord. Nothing else can satisfy, neither the Lord’s people (companions), nor the food of any other field. All other love is as husks, to the love and companionship of Christ, who alone is imperishable reality..............It is absolutely amazing, the miracle of the ages, to see how God is drawing those who are willing to pay the price to go all the way with God in this momentous hour. His hand is upon every one of them, and He is drawing them to Himself in increasingly deeper measures. There is no self-satisfaction with those whom God is drawing, in whom He has created the hunger after reality. Though we are always satisfied with Christ, on whatever level we have experienced Him, it seems that the more we feed upon Him and the more fulfilled we become in our relationship with Him, the hungrier we are for Him! The more we drink of the living waters of His spirit and truth, the more satisfied we become and yet the thirstier we are! The cry of the Psalmist has become our very own, "As the hart pants after the waterbrooks, so pants my soul after Thee, O God!" The closer we draw to God, the more Christ is revealed to us, the more satisfied we are, and yet the more fervently our hearts pant for Him. This is because a portion of our being has been satisfied, and the portion that remains desires Him all the more! (Eby)
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_______ and _____, I feel led to share a little with you of how I got to where I find myself today which is a place where it seems in all that I do and in all that I minister is borne from a place of prayer and worship. Some days ministering to the body of Christ is filled with sharing His Love through forum messages, E-mails and phone calls and on other days it might be babysitting for some friends or taking a walk in the snow with my unsaved sister. It isn't any longer about "sharing Jesus" it is more so about "being Jesus." There is only One that is Good and only His Life is worthy of demonstration. I am aware that I am a long way from His fullness in my life but I have learned to rest in the knowledge that I can do nothing to increase His stature within me. Every day in prayer I am brought to a state of "surrender" where my soul has learned to lay in quiet passivity that I might be given by the Spirit what is meat and benefit for my growth in Him. Sometimes these times of prayer which can on occasion stretch for days are sometimes filled with great warfare, or torturous dryness but there are for the most part times of receiving His glorious revelation of the Father's heart. I must carefully state now that I never seek knowledge nor experiences in prayer but only Him in which all the riches of His Kingdom dwell. Occasionally there is dream or a vison during these times but the most delightful and incredible of all His revelations is just a "supernal knowing of Him" ....... an experience beyond description as it supercedes any thing perceived by the five natural senses.
In recounting my prayer life let me say that I was introduced first to the possibility of such a life when a couple of years ago I kept coming across the term "the Enochian Way." I had no clue what this term was describing until one night I was directed to the "Book of Jasher" where I was told there was a short biography of Enoch. Now please allow me also to state that I am not been led today nor have been previously to this time referenced above, to read the "extra books" outside of what is considered the accepted "cannon of the Bible." Anyway I found the story of Enoch in the fourth chapter and immediately upon reading it I knew this was God’s anointed direction and example for my life. In clearer terms it was "Enoch's call to prayer and worship of God from which his ministry would arise that so struck me. This was a Divine knowing that I experienced and little did I know that at that time that this was not a place nor practice that I could willfully enter into. It would be Christ that would methodically draw me into the "Enochian way." Today I can so relate to the increasing time differentials of "Enoch's prayer life" verses his "times of public ministry." Of all that is in this beautiful chapter this is what so grabbed my attention and spoke wonderfully to my heart.
I have copied this chapter with hope you would enjoy the descriptive beauty of this great patriarch's life. (note: the book of Jasher is mentioned twice in the Bible and I have bolded the part that so grabbed me)
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Jasher 4
And Enoch lived sixty-five years and he begat Methuselah; and Enoch walked with God after having begot Methuselah, and he served the Lord, and despised the evil ways of men.
And the soul of Enoch was wrapped up in the instruction of the Lord, in knowledge and in understanding; and he wisely retired from the sons of men, and secreted himself from them for many days.
And it was at the expiration of many years, whilst he was serving the Lord, and praying before him in his house, that an angel of the Lord called to him from Heaven, and he said, Here am I.
And he said, Rise, go forth from thy house and from the place where thou dost hide thyself, and appear to the sons of men, in order that thou mayest teach them the way in which they should go and the work which they must accomplish to enter in the ways of God.
And Enoch rose up according to the word of the Lord, and went forth from his house, from his place and from the chamber in which he was concealed; and he went to the sons of men and taught them the ways of the Lord, and at that time assembled the sons of men and acquainted them with the instruction of the Lord.
And he ordered it to be proclaimed in all places where the sons of men dwelt, saying, Where is the man who wishes to know the ways of the Lord and good works? let him come to Enoch.
And all the sons of men then assembled to him, for all who desired this thing went to Enoch, and Enoch reigned over the sons of men according to the word of the Lord, and they came and bowed to him and they heard his word.
And the spirit of God was upon Enoch, and he taught all his men the wisdom of God and his ways, and the sons of men served the Lord all the days of Enoch, and they came to hear his wisdom.
And all the kings of the sons of men, both first and last, together with their princes and judges, came to Enoch when they heard of his wisdom, and they bowed down to him, and they also required of Enoch to reign over them, to which he consented.
And they assembled in all, one hundred and thirty kings and princes, and they made Enoch king over them and they were all under his power and command.
And Enoch taught them wisdom, knowledge, and the ways of the Lord; and he made peace amongst them, and peace was throughout the earth during the life of Enoch.
And Enoch reigned over the sons of men two hundred and forty-three years, and he did justice and righteousness with all his people, and he led them in the ways of the Lord.
And these are the generations of Enoch, Methuselah, Elisha, and Elimelech, three sons; and their sisters were Melca and Nahmah, and Methuselah lived eighty-seven years and he begat Lamech.
And it was in the fifty-sixth year of the life of Lamech when Adam died; nine hundred and thirty years old was he at his death, and his two sons, with Enoch and Methuselah his son, buried him with great pomp, as at the burial of kings, in the cave which God had told him.
And in that place all the sons of men made a great mourning and weeping on account of Adam; it has therefore become a custom among the sons of men to this day.
And Adam died because he ate of the tree of knowledge; he and his children after him, as the Lord God had spoken.
And it was in the year of Adam's death which was the two hundred and forty-third year of the reign of Enoch, in that time Enoch resolved to separate himself from the sons of men and to secret himself as at first in order to serve the Lord.
And Enoch did so, but did not entirely secret himself from them, but kept away from the sons of men three days and then went to them for one day.
And during the three days that he was in his chamber, he prayed to, and praised the Lord his God, and the day on which he went and appeared to his subjects he taught them the ways of the Lord, and all they asked him about the Lord he told them.
And he did in this manner for many years, and he afterward concealed himself for six days, and appeared to his people one day in seven; and after that once in a month, and then once in a year, until all the kings, princes and sons of men sought for him, and desired again to see the face of Enoch, and to hear his word; but they could not, as all the sons of men were greatly afraid of Enoch, and they feared to approach him on account of the Godlike awe that was seated upon his countenance; therefore no man could look at him, fearing he might be punished and die.
And all the kings and princes resolved to assemble the sons of men, and to come to Enoch, thinking that they might all speak to him at the time when he should come forth amongst them, and they did so.
And the day came when Enoch went forth and they all assembled and came to him, and Enoch spoke to them the words of the Lord and he taught them wisdom and knowledge, and they bowed down before him and they said, May the king live! May the king live!
And in some time after, when the kings and princes and the sons of men were speaking to Enoch, and Enoch was teaching them the ways of God, behold an angel of the Lord then called unto Enoch from heaven, and wished to bring him up to heaven to make him reign there over the sons of God, as he had reigned over the sons of men upon earth.
When at that time Enoch heard this he went and assembled all the inhabitants of the earth, and taught them wisdom and knowledge and gave them divine instructions, and he said to them, I have been required to ascend into heaven, I therefore do not know the day of my going.
And now therefore I will teach you wisdom and knowledge and will give you instruction before I leave you, how to act upon earth whereby you may live; and he did so.
And he taught them wisdom and knowledge, and gave them instruction, and he reproved them, and he placed before them statutes and judgments to do upon earth, and he made peace amongst them, and he taught them everlasting life, and dwelt with them some time teaching them all these things.
And at that time the sons of men were with Enoch, and Enoch was speaking to them, and they lifted up their eyes and the likeness of a great horse descended from heaven, and the horse paced in the air;
And they told Enoch what they had seen, and Enoch said to them, On my account does this horse descend upon earth; the time is come when I must go from you and I shall no more be seen by you.
And the horse descended at that time and stood before Enoch, and all the sons of men that were with Enoch saw him.
And Enoch then again ordered a voice to be proclaimed, saying, Where is the man who delighteth to know the ways of the Lord his God, let him come this day to Enoch before he is taken from us.
And all the sons of men assembled and came to Enoch that day; and all the kings of the earth with their princes and counsellors remained with him that day; and Enoch then taught the sons of men wisdom and knowledge, and gave them divine instruction; and he bade them serve the Lord and walk in his ways all the days of their lives, and he continued to make peace amongst them.
And it was after this that he rose up and rode upon the horse; and he went forth and all the sons of men went after him, about eight hundred thousand men; and they went with him one day's journey.
And the second day he said to them, Return home to your tents, why will you go? perhaps you may die; and some of them went from him, and those that remained went with him six day's journey; and Enoch said to them every day, Return to your tents, lest you may die; but they were not willing to return, and they went with him.
And on the sixth day some of the men remained and clung to him, and they said to him, We will go with thee to the place where thou goest; as the Lord liveth, death only shall separate us.
And they urged so much to go with him, that he ceased speaking to them; and they went after him and would not return;
And when the kings returned they caused a census to be taken, in order to know the number of remaining men that went with Enoch; and it was upon the seventh day that Enoch ascended into heaven in a whirlwind, with horses and chariots of fire.
And on the eighth day all the kings that had been with Enoch sent to bring back the number of men that were with Enoch, in that place from which he ascended into heaven.
And all those kings went to the place and they found the earth there filled with snow, and upon the snow were large stones of snow, and one said to the other, Come, let us break through the snow and see, perhaps the men that remained with Enoch are dead, and are now under the stones of snow, and they searched but could not find him, for he had ascended into heaven.
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After this revelation in Jasher on prayer and worship it seems I was taken by the Holy Spirit, void of the teachings of any man, and I was taught how to pray. After one night of suffering for thirteen hours the most horrendous of all experiences I was totally bewildered as to what had happened. I had never read or heard anything that would describe my experience until in God's great goodness a friend on an internet forum wrote a message describing what is termed "the dark night of the soul"
Upon doing some further research on this subject I was introduced to a number of writers of centuries past that are today known as the "Christian Mystics." Many of these saints came from what is known as the "Quietist movement" where there was, much to the displeasure of the Catholic Church, an awakening to the teaching that "each man could have a personal relationship with God void of human intermediaries." These "mystics" opened up a whole realm of teaching on contemplative and quiet prayer where the soul is bid to be passive as the Spirit ministers. Some of the more well known "Quietist" and "Christian Mystics" of the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries are San Juan de la Cruz. Madame Guyon. Teresa of Avila, Miguel de Molinos and Francoise Fenelon. I have read the writings of all these aforementioned saints and usually read just a little at a time each morning as a type of meditation as these writings are often so deep that to read more would dilute much of their richness. I don't take their teachings as a pattern to be followed but instead am often amazed to find out, that which the Holy Spirit has taught me is often confirmed by them. God has been so good to me in this way as I desire not to follow any man but only Him.
Anyway rather than ramble on further allow me to share some thoughts from Fenelon (below) of whom I am currently engaged in reading. I found this so beautiful and it does somewhat describe my current direction where I am learning to come to the Father as a child. It seems "simplicity and surrender" have been terms that fill much of my sharings lately. "Becoming as a child to know the depths of Christ" ....... another one of those many paradoxes that fill our walk in Him.
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God speaks, too, in wise and enlightened persons, whose life, outwardly correct, seems adorned with many virtues; but such are often too full of themselves and their lights, to listen to God. Everything is turned into reasoning; they substitute the principles of natural wisdom and the plans of human prudence, for what would come infinitely better through the channel of simplicity and docility to the word of God. They seem good, sometimes better than others; they are so, perhaps, up to a certain point, but it is a mixed goodness. They are still in possession of themselves, and desire always to be so, according to the measure of their reason; they love to be in the hands of their own counsel, and to be strong and great in their own eyes.
I thank thee, O my God with Jesus Christ, that Thou hast hid thine ineffable secrets from these great and wise ones, whilst Thou takest pleasure in revealing them to feeble and humble souls! It is with babes alone that Thou art wholly unreserved; the others Thou treatest in their own way; they desire knowledge and great virtues, and Thou givest them dazzling illuminations, and convertest them into heroes. But this is not the better part; there is something more hidden for thy dearest children; they lie with John on thy breast. As for these great ones who are constantly afraid of stooping and becoming lowly, Thou leavest them in all their greatness; they shall never share thy caresses and thy familiarity, for to deserve these, they must become as little children, and play upon thy knees .........
I have often observed that a rude, ignorant sinner, just beginning to be touched by a lively sense of the love of God, is much more disposed to listen to this inward language of the Spirit of Grace, than those enlightened and learned persons who have grown old in their own wisdom. God, whose sole desire is to communicate Himself, cannot, so to speak, find where to set his foot in souls so full of themselves, who have grown fat upon their own wisdom and virtues; but, as says the Scripture, "his secret is with the simple." (Prov. iii. 32) ............
But where are they? I do not find them; God sees them and loves to dwell in them; "My Father and I," says Jesus Christ, "will come unto him and make our abode with him." (John xiv. 23.) Ah! a soul delivered from self, and abandoned to grace, counting itself as nothing, and walking, without thought, at the will of that pure love which is its perfect guide, has an experience which the wise can neither receive nor understand! .......
It often happens that what we offer to God, is not what he most desires to have of us; that we are frequently the most unwilling to give, and the most fearful He will ask. He desires the sacrifice of the Isaac, the well-beloved son; all the rest is as nothing in his eyes, and he permits it to be offered in a painful unprofitable manner, because He has no blessings for a divided soul. He will have everything, and until then there is no rest. Who hath hardened himself against Him and hath prospered? (Job ix. 4.) Would you prosper, and secure the blessing of God upon your labors? Reserve nothing, cut to the quick and burn, spare nothing, and the God of peace will be with you. What consolation, what liberty, what strength, what enlargedness of heart, what increase of grace, will follow when there remains nothing between God and the soul, and when the last sacrifices have been offered up without hesitation!
Suppose we have stumbled, or even fallen, let us rise and run again; all our falls are useful, if they strip us of a disastrous confidence in ourselves, while they do not take away a humble and salutary trust in God. (Fenelon 1651-1715)
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________ and _______,I do hope I haven't bored you with my ramblings. I was hoping to just give you a glimpse of where I am today along with where and how God has been taking me in this walk during the last couple of years. Today I look back upon the last three decades and stand in awe on how our lives have been off and on intertwined. I can remember as though it was yesterday when we would sit in your living room and have the most glorious times of discovering our Christ in the weekly Bible Study. Wow! What an amazing walk and to think that it is really only beginning. I will leave you with this short message I shared with some a week or so ago on a forum. It kind of gives synopsis to all that I have shared above with regard to my travels in Him these last two years.
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It cost our Christ, the loss of all to possess us and so shall it cost us loss of all, to possess our Christ. Who could count such a cost but those called to such. I tried every way under the sun to get around His calling only to find my efforts full of futility and folly. He hedges me in and then when all seems lost He takes me into a large place where He reveals Himself in His glory. Over and over He does this until I am worn out and ready to surrender another hidden piece of that false gold called this world of which self is more than an inhabitant but king. The tomb always precedes resurrection. We must die to all for all to be resurrected. Give it up and when you least expect, it reappears transformed by His glory. No secret; this life is painful but oh so glorious when He is all you desire. But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. 1Pe 5:10
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Be blessed my "dearest of friends" and know I have tears flowing as I fondly describe you as such.
Jack
PS. As I wrote my ending salutation a Celtic song came on the radio that always reduces me to tears as it gives me thought of this epic journey we travel as Christ's sojourners. I love when that kind of stuff happens and I know He is near.
We cannot contain the overflowing cup of His love thus we share with you these messages of the Life of our Lord as lived out in His saints.
