"But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city." Hebrews 11:16
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MY PERSONAL AKEDAH
Akedah - is a Hebrew word which means the 'Binding
of Isaac’ taken from the account in the book of Genesis.
Abraham, at the command of God takes his son Isaac
to be offered as a sacrifice on Mount Moriah.
Abraham binds his son (hence ‘the Binding of Isaac’)
to the altar and is ready to perform the dreadful
deed when an angel appears to tell him to stay his
hand and to promise him that his seed will increase.
In my last message I shared a personal account of God graciously lifting me up out of years of guilt and shame suffered because of my past sins as a parent to my two children. With the gift of a supernal vision deep within my spirit God made me aware of my total futility contrasted with His almighty omnipotence. This I know was in preparation for the event I share with you today; "My Akedah."
Let me first say that the truthful recognition of our futility to do anything outside of God's pre-ordained plan for our lives causes us to throw ourselves upon Him who controls and knows all things, both small and large. As scripture tells us, our God knows of the tiny sparrow that falls from the sky and even the number of hairs upon our head. More importantly we know God, with all His omnipotence and omniscience, purposes everything in Love. It is hard to understand if not impossible, the thought that God uses evil, suffering and even death in this world to bring forth a greater eternal Good. One just cannot wrap his or her mind around such a truth, thus the acceptance and belief in such must surely be God given. This even more so speaks to the totality of our reliance upon God.
Not long after God showed me my futility in raising my two children I realized a deep seated fear within me that was causing me to not fully entrust Erin's and Tyler's care completely unto the Lord. My original nature is that of a worrier and wow, did I worry about my babies. And with this worry came anxiety and frustration that was greatly enlarged when my two twenty year olds were not living and behaving as I thought they should. Seeking to relieve my discomfort and frustration I found myself often speaking to my children in terms that often ended in condemnation. This much more so, was the case with my son whom like me at his age, likes to experience it all while often getting banged up in the act. I'll let you in on a secret here. My mother actually used to pray to God, asking Him to just take me, so trying to her was my wild and wayward life. She was just completely worn out from all the worrying, plus she had five other children to attend to. Getting back to Tyler, it seemed that with my condemning controlling ways coupled with his bullish independence we often found ourselves estranged, one from another. He felt insecure and uncomfortable in his not being able to or even wanting to meet my demands. Even when we were communicating, our relationship was dishonest and stiff because of the many areas we couldn't touch on due to our different life standards. Most often we would just banter back and forth with wit and humor never daring to connect on a deep or meaningful level. Isn't that somewhat the pattern for many parent/child relationships. I know it was for my father and myself and although I hated the thought of repeating such a pattern with my son, I didn't know how to avoid it. It seemed this terrible pattern was so deeply ingrained in me.
"When you are older, you will stretch out your arms and Someone Else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go" Jn 21:18
And "lead me where I do not want to go" He certainly does. For the last five years of my life it has been that way for me. He is ever dragging me to unwanted places and then He shows me His goodness and grace that dwells there. So it was one night a month or so after my previously mentioned revelatory experience where I was made aware of my total futility. As I lay in bed on this particular night, I was given charge by the Holy Spirit to envision how this life might play out for my children, whom I can tell you, I love more than life itself. I wondered "what if's" for what seemed like an eternity. This exercise became increasingly painful as I saw the very best this world could give my two kids as weighed against the suffering, pain and heart ache that would inevitable weave it's way through their lives. And then the capper of all cappers ........ I saw the very end of their lives which is death. I mean, I was up against "in your face, grim reality" and there was no place for me to hide.
It was an hour or so later while in the midst of prayer the voice of nature with it's fear of death was replaced by His wondrous Grace. I had come to another benchmark of sobering prayerful surrender and this time Like Abraham I was being called of God to end my earthly relationship with my son and daughter, whom I loved as much as a man can love anything in this world. I had journeyed to the summit and now there was nothing left to do but lay my two dear children upon God's altar. They were His and although I had laid claim to them for more than two decades my claim was fraudulent and void and had always been. As I laid these precious darlings into the Father's hands I suddenly gained a peace I could never have imagined before with regard to the well being of my Tyler and my Erin. No matter what this world could ever bring to my children, I could know that God had purposed it in love and He would make it all for Good. Although Erin and Tyler must still walk their earthly lives out, before the foundations of this world were laid, every detail of their time on earth had already been planned out. It was planned with unfathomable care and unimaginable Love. Every thing God does is for our profit and advantage and I can find rest in that. Even our death was made for Good and thus with this realization, it has no sting.
I believe Jonathan Swift had it right when he wrote, "It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil to mankind."
Please allow me to end this message with a victory report of how God has so thoroughly resurrected my relationship with Tyler since my Akedah experience. The Lord spoke to me after my sacrifice that I needed to call my somewhat estranged son. I needed to share with him, how I for so many years had been so wrong in my view of him thus my relationship with him was skewed. After much prayer, I made the call and added a humble apology for my wrong thinking that had produced such condemnation and discomfort. From that time on our relationship just blew up into an incredible and genuine love fest. I can't even explain this new overwhelming love that has been shed abroad into both our hearts. It is so much greater than I could have imagined and the best part is that this love seems to have dramatically transformed my son. He is incredibly, so much more at peace, and his consideration of the undeserving has increased a thousand fold. Tyler has also become a wonderful caregiver and his contributions in this area with regard to family and friends is becoming almost legendary with those that know him. I never thought this impatient and moody child had it in him to patiently and tenderly encourage and care for the infirmed, the downtrodden and the forgotten but he is magnificently exhibiting such qualities and exploits all the time. Oh I'll yell ya, Christ's love dwells in this young man and it was just a matter on my part of recognizing this. That father/son relation which was all but dead has sprung to a wondrous newness of life and with that I am ever grateful. In both of our lives it is the prodigal that has shaken off the insanity of separation and now we sup as one at the Father's table where all is good.
Tyler sent me a letter last week and I let it sit in my mailbox all day before reading it as I knew it would probably crush me with undeserved grace. By the spirit I knew before I opened it something of the content of this unannounced correspondence. What I didn't know was the degree of grace I would receive nor the level of brokenness I would experience upon reading it. When I saw nothing but sin and shortcomings in my parenting, my son saw something else. How could this ever be?
Below are a few excerpts from Tyler's letter and believe me, these words were showered with tears when I read them. Knowing Tyler, I have to believe he cried some too as he wrote them. This personage, whom my son writes of, certainly was not me as my failures so outweighed the good I did. Instead this is Tyler's God given graceful recollection.
Somehow, though, my Dad never let me think, my whole life, that he wouldn’t do anything for me. Never once did I think my Dad wouldn’t sacrifice anything for me. How priceless is that? For your whole life to know that your Dad loves you to death and would do anything for you? How priceless is it to know you can be anything and your Dad will support you and believe in you? My Dad didn’t have that. So how did he know to make me feel that way? Every day of every year I have been alive he has made me believe this. It is priceless ......
I learned by example. I worked with my Dad. I saw how he handled himself. A professional at all times. At all times, responsible for his own actions. No better or worse than anybody, no matter how much money they had. No matter how little they had. My father is a man among boys. A man is also sympathetic. I remember going to K-mart when I was young. It was near Christmas. My Dad bought all kinds of toys and gifts that were for young boys. Then we went to a house that was run down. My Dad give the gifts to a poor family with kids who didn’t have the means to have a Christmas that we were used to. I always remember that. Because of things like that, which I remember, that spirit lives in me. I will help a stranger. I have pulled over to help old ladies carry their groceries. I go the extra mile for friends, and even strangers. That doesn’t come from nowhere. That comes from my parents. I remember going with you to the city jail and seeing you preach to the inmates. You weren’t preaching as if you were better than them. You were talking to them as a brother, as a sinner. As a man no better than them. You never talked down to people, even criminals. You talked to them as an equal, and sometimes you raised them up higher than yourself. I remember it all .......
You have spent almost 30 years being my Dad. When I am 30, that will be almost 11,000 days you have cared about me more than anything else in the world. 11,000 days that you would do anything for me. 11,000 days that you have loved me more than you can explain. You have been the best Dad. I wouldn’t trade you for anything. You’re it.
I love you. Thank you.
Your son
My Tyler has been placed on the altar and with this, has the prodigal come home to share with me the fruit of Christ. And my heart has been truly overwhelmed.
.
MY PERSONAL AKEDAH
Akedah - is a Hebrew word which means the 'Binding
of Isaac’ taken from the account in the book of Genesis.
Abraham, at the command of God takes his son Isaac
to be offered as a sacrifice on Mount Moriah.
Abraham binds his son (hence ‘the Binding of Isaac’)
to the altar and is ready to perform the dreadful
deed when an angel appears to tell him to stay his
hand and to promise him that his seed will increase.
In my last message I shared a personal account of God graciously lifting me up out of years of guilt and shame suffered because of my past sins as a parent to my two children. With the gift of a supernal vision deep within my spirit God made me aware of my total futility contrasted with His almighty omnipotence. This I know was in preparation for the event I share with you today; "My Akedah."
Let me first say that the truthful recognition of our futility to do anything outside of God's pre-ordained plan for our lives causes us to throw ourselves upon Him who controls and knows all things, both small and large. As scripture tells us, our God knows of the tiny sparrow that falls from the sky and even the number of hairs upon our head. More importantly we know God, with all His omnipotence and omniscience, purposes everything in Love. It is hard to understand if not impossible, the thought that God uses evil, suffering and even death in this world to bring forth a greater eternal Good. One just cannot wrap his or her mind around such a truth, thus the acceptance and belief in such must surely be God given. This even more so speaks to the totality of our reliance upon God.
Not long after God showed me my futility in raising my two children I realized a deep seated fear within me that was causing me to not fully entrust Erin's and Tyler's care completely unto the Lord. My original nature is that of a worrier and wow, did I worry about my babies. And with this worry came anxiety and frustration that was greatly enlarged when my two twenty year olds were not living and behaving as I thought they should. Seeking to relieve my discomfort and frustration I found myself often speaking to my children in terms that often ended in condemnation. This much more so, was the case with my son whom like me at his age, likes to experience it all while often getting banged up in the act. I'll let you in on a secret here. My mother actually used to pray to God, asking Him to just take me, so trying to her was my wild and wayward life. She was just completely worn out from all the worrying, plus she had five other children to attend to. Getting back to Tyler, it seemed that with my condemning controlling ways coupled with his bullish independence we often found ourselves estranged, one from another. He felt insecure and uncomfortable in his not being able to or even wanting to meet my demands. Even when we were communicating, our relationship was dishonest and stiff because of the many areas we couldn't touch on due to our different life standards. Most often we would just banter back and forth with wit and humor never daring to connect on a deep or meaningful level. Isn't that somewhat the pattern for many parent/child relationships. I know it was for my father and myself and although I hated the thought of repeating such a pattern with my son, I didn't know how to avoid it. It seemed this terrible pattern was so deeply ingrained in me.
"When you are older, you will stretch out your arms and Someone Else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go" Jn 21:18
And "lead me where I do not want to go" He certainly does. For the last five years of my life it has been that way for me. He is ever dragging me to unwanted places and then He shows me His goodness and grace that dwells there. So it was one night a month or so after my previously mentioned revelatory experience where I was made aware of my total futility. As I lay in bed on this particular night, I was given charge by the Holy Spirit to envision how this life might play out for my children, whom I can tell you, I love more than life itself. I wondered "what if's" for what seemed like an eternity. This exercise became increasingly painful as I saw the very best this world could give my two kids as weighed against the suffering, pain and heart ache that would inevitable weave it's way through their lives. And then the capper of all cappers ........ I saw the very end of their lives which is death. I mean, I was up against "in your face, grim reality" and there was no place for me to hide.
It was an hour or so later while in the midst of prayer the voice of nature with it's fear of death was replaced by His wondrous Grace. I had come to another benchmark of sobering prayerful surrender and this time Like Abraham I was being called of God to end my earthly relationship with my son and daughter, whom I loved as much as a man can love anything in this world. I had journeyed to the summit and now there was nothing left to do but lay my two dear children upon God's altar. They were His and although I had laid claim to them for more than two decades my claim was fraudulent and void and had always been. As I laid these precious darlings into the Father's hands I suddenly gained a peace I could never have imagined before with regard to the well being of my Tyler and my Erin. No matter what this world could ever bring to my children, I could know that God had purposed it in love and He would make it all for Good. Although Erin and Tyler must still walk their earthly lives out, before the foundations of this world were laid, every detail of their time on earth had already been planned out. It was planned with unfathomable care and unimaginable Love. Every thing God does is for our profit and advantage and I can find rest in that. Even our death was made for Good and thus with this realization, it has no sting.
I believe Jonathan Swift had it right when he wrote, "It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil to mankind."
Please allow me to end this message with a victory report of how God has so thoroughly resurrected my relationship with Tyler since my Akedah experience. The Lord spoke to me after my sacrifice that I needed to call my somewhat estranged son. I needed to share with him, how I for so many years had been so wrong in my view of him thus my relationship with him was skewed. After much prayer, I made the call and added a humble apology for my wrong thinking that had produced such condemnation and discomfort. From that time on our relationship just blew up into an incredible and genuine love fest. I can't even explain this new overwhelming love that has been shed abroad into both our hearts. It is so much greater than I could have imagined and the best part is that this love seems to have dramatically transformed my son. He is incredibly, so much more at peace, and his consideration of the undeserving has increased a thousand fold. Tyler has also become a wonderful caregiver and his contributions in this area with regard to family and friends is becoming almost legendary with those that know him. I never thought this impatient and moody child had it in him to patiently and tenderly encourage and care for the infirmed, the downtrodden and the forgotten but he is magnificently exhibiting such qualities and exploits all the time. Oh I'll yell ya, Christ's love dwells in this young man and it was just a matter on my part of recognizing this. That father/son relation which was all but dead has sprung to a wondrous newness of life and with that I am ever grateful. In both of our lives it is the prodigal that has shaken off the insanity of separation and now we sup as one at the Father's table where all is good.
Tyler sent me a letter last week and I let it sit in my mailbox all day before reading it as I knew it would probably crush me with undeserved grace. By the spirit I knew before I opened it something of the content of this unannounced correspondence. What I didn't know was the degree of grace I would receive nor the level of brokenness I would experience upon reading it. When I saw nothing but sin and shortcomings in my parenting, my son saw something else. How could this ever be?
Below are a few excerpts from Tyler's letter and believe me, these words were showered with tears when I read them. Knowing Tyler, I have to believe he cried some too as he wrote them. This personage, whom my son writes of, certainly was not me as my failures so outweighed the good I did. Instead this is Tyler's God given graceful recollection.
Somehow, though, my Dad never let me think, my whole life, that he wouldn’t do anything for me. Never once did I think my Dad wouldn’t sacrifice anything for me. How priceless is that? For your whole life to know that your Dad loves you to death and would do anything for you? How priceless is it to know you can be anything and your Dad will support you and believe in you? My Dad didn’t have that. So how did he know to make me feel that way? Every day of every year I have been alive he has made me believe this. It is priceless ......
I learned by example. I worked with my Dad. I saw how he handled himself. A professional at all times. At all times, responsible for his own actions. No better or worse than anybody, no matter how much money they had. No matter how little they had. My father is a man among boys. A man is also sympathetic. I remember going to K-mart when I was young. It was near Christmas. My Dad bought all kinds of toys and gifts that were for young boys. Then we went to a house that was run down. My Dad give the gifts to a poor family with kids who didn’t have the means to have a Christmas that we were used to. I always remember that. Because of things like that, which I remember, that spirit lives in me. I will help a stranger. I have pulled over to help old ladies carry their groceries. I go the extra mile for friends, and even strangers. That doesn’t come from nowhere. That comes from my parents. I remember going with you to the city jail and seeing you preach to the inmates. You weren’t preaching as if you were better than them. You were talking to them as a brother, as a sinner. As a man no better than them. You never talked down to people, even criminals. You talked to them as an equal, and sometimes you raised them up higher than yourself. I remember it all .......
You have spent almost 30 years being my Dad. When I am 30, that will be almost 11,000 days you have cared about me more than anything else in the world. 11,000 days that you would do anything for me. 11,000 days that you have loved me more than you can explain. You have been the best Dad. I wouldn’t trade you for anything. You’re it.
I love you. Thank you.
Your son
My Tyler has been placed on the altar and with this, has the prodigal come home to share with me the fruit of Christ. And my heart has been truly overwhelmed.
.
Jesus truly is the bearer of some very "Amazing Grace" and what a glorious day it is, when we are able to bow our heads and finally surrender everything. What joy it is to look back over all that the Lord has led us through and realize His purpose in both the good times and the bad times, to behold the goodness and love of God in His dealings with us.
All must die to be resurrected in "newness of Life" and God help us to realize, we can hold nothing back that we might win Christ. Resurrection Life is that which has died, but now lives and all that we cherish must have the mark of the Cross upon it.
All must die to be resurrected in "newness of Life" and God help us to realize, we can hold nothing back that we might win Christ. Resurrection Life is that which has died, but now lives and all that we cherish must have the mark of the Cross upon it.
God bless,
Jack
Jack
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Top: Tyler on the left celebrating St Paddy's Day with his good buddy Dan, another Irishman.
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Bottom: Tyler second from right with his homies in Jackson Hole last month. Five of them came from L. A. to snowboard. They all stayed at the house and what a neat bunch. I was blessed by their company.
